On Sunday I walked into a bakery with a friend visiting from Denmark. Everything looked delicious to him, and to me, so we were slow to choose and let several people go ahead of us. Finally the friend told me what he wanted and I ordered for the two of us since I was treating and could order in French.

I told the seller that we wanted a pistachio crumble (in the case to the left, and so the seller immediately went left) and a brownie (in the case to the right, and so the seller went right). When I ordered the first pastry the seller was already standing behind the case with the brownies, so he went to one direction then returned in the other.

In the scheme of things that mattered little since the cash register was in the middle. Still the seller remarked, “Next time order the brownie first. It’ll be more efficient that way because I was standing right there.”

Perhaps he was trying to be funny, but if so he could have been a lot funnier. No, I think he was actually telling me that I should follow his script for seller-customer “correctness.” I was in fact being admonished for ordering in a way that he saw as inefficient.

I responded, “Sorry, but I thought it more polite to order my guest’s pastry before mine.” In other words, I have my own script for “correctness” that apparently contradicted his own. For me, the customer, my guest trumped his efficiency.

The seller looked at me with a smile and with a slight nod and said, “C’est tout à votre honneur, Monsieur” (“That’s very honorable of you, Sir” or “It does you credit”).

He may have still thought that I’d wrong him with an inefficient order, but it was nonetheless a gracious response.

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Ever brush against a paranoid schizophrenic in the New York subway? That’s what it’s like when you don’t say Bonjour to a salesperson in Paris. It may seem harmless enough, but you can then nearly read the thoughts of a non-bonjoured salesperson: “The (foreign) bastard didn’t even say bonjour and now he expects me to help him?, who does he think I am, his slave?, etc., etc.” You don’t want to know the rest.

As Americans we believe in the power of the smile; in France it’s a courteous greeting that gets you off on the right foot. Always say “Bonjour” as you enter a small shop or bakery or as you approach a vendor or anyone behind a counter. This equally holds true in situations where you’re requesting information from someone on the street or on the phone. It’s culturally incumbent upon the client or inquirer to begin with bonjour (bonsoir after sunset or 6pm, whichever comes first). Starting with bonjour will not suddenly make salespeople warm and helpful, but failure to say it makes you seem rude and allows them to feel self-righteous for providing shoddy service or information.

When the salesperson or information-giver is busy elsewhere or when you wish to stop someone on the street for information, interrupt with “Excusez-moi” before proceeding with the request—and it can’t hurt to throw in a bonjour or bonsoir there either.

Don’t forget the Bonjour Rule. Otherwise you may just find yourself dealing with that paranoid schizophrenic on the New York subway.

Consider yourself warned.

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